People are always looking for things they can do to change their lives. It doesn’t matter whether or not we have a well ordered life or a life full of chaos and problems, a lot of people feel there must be more to life than what they have.

It is funny how everybody thinks everybody else has something better than they have; however, they aren’t willing to make changes because it always seems that real change is hard to do and takes more time than they are willing to dedicate to the process. We all want the perfect life, the perfect career, the perfect marriage, the perfect children and anything else we can think of that will make our lives better, but what we also want is an easy way to make it happen.

Most of us start our lives with high hopes and dreams that don’t always turn out the way we plan. Sometimes we feel disappointed when we have worked hard and what we wanted doesn’t materialize right away. Consequently, adjustments must be made in order to keep our lives from spiraling out of control. If we don’t learn to make the necessary adjustments and/or changes in our thinking, we can easily end up feeling frustrated and unfulfilled. There are many things we can do to improve our chances of getting the changes we say we want. It’s just a matter of figuring out what things we want to change that will lead us to the life we want to live.

Someone once said that if you don’t know what you want, you won’t know when you get it. I think this is definitely a true statement. If you are not sure what it is that you really want, then there is no way for you to achieve it. It sounds logical to think that everyone should know what they want out of life and how to get it; however, most of us have never given it serious thought. We are too busy living our lives so we never take the time to determine if what we are doing is what we actually want to do. As you read further, I will give you ten small steps you can quickly use to change your life from stagnate to incredible.

Step 1: Decide What You Really Want

This sounds so simplistic when you say it, but you can’t get very far if you don’t know what you want. If you are feeling uncertain about what the problem is, then it’s time to stop, look and listen to the voice inside you. If at all possible make a list of the things that make you happy with your life and also make a list of the things that make you unhappy. Decide what things you need to retain and the things you need to discard. If there are things you have the power to change right away then make those changes immediately. The things that will take more time to work through won’t seem so insurmountable once you get rid of the easy stuff.

Step 2: Don’t Accept What You Don’t Want

If you ever hope to live the life that you truly want to live, you must be willing to refuse unwanted baggage that doesn’t belong to you. People may try to burden you with things that aren’t your responsibility, but your job is to take responsibility for the things that belong to you and allow others to keep their own baggage. You must be willing to accept the consequences of your own actions; not bear the responsibility of someone else’s actions.

Step 3: Change Your Attitude

The attitude is one of those things that we all possess, but we all haven’t learned how to use it to our advantage. The right attitude can open doors for you while the wrong attitude can hinder your progress. Our attitude is the way in which we view the world and how we choose to interact based on our perception of those interactions. Once we realize and accept the fact that the only attitude we have the power to change is our own, then it becomes easier to stop wasting valuable time and energy trying to  change others into something we want them to be rather than accepting them for who they are. The time will be much better spent learning about you. We can’t change the things that happened to us in the past, but we can choose how we allow the past to affect our future. If we are serious about changing our life, then we must be willing to adopt a new way of thinking and allow it to work for us as we redefine ourselves.

Step 4: Establish A New Routine

Psychologists say that in order to establish a new habit it must be routinely practiced over the period of at least two weeks before the mind and body begins to accept a new regiment as a part of your life. If you keep doing the same thing that you’ve always done, you will continue to get what you’ve always gotten…frustration.  Don’t be afraid to establish a new pattern for your life to follow by weeding out habits that are holding you back and replace them with routines that motivate you in the right direction. Small changes in your regular routine can net big results if you make purposeful strides to keep the things that work and eliminate the ones that don’t.

Step 5: Learn The Power of No

The word no is a word that should be non-negotiable in our vocabulary. Many times we feel pressure to say yes when what we really want to say is no. We allow people to make us feel guilty about our inability to comply with their request even though it may present a hardship on us as we try to satisfy them. Most people hate to hear the word no because it usually means they won’t get what they want, regardless of whether they need it or not. Also, we hate to use the word no because we are afraid of what the other person will think of us when we can’t or won’t concede to their demand. Sometimes not receiving what we think we want may turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to us, but we won’t know it unless we learn how to use the word no as well as accept it. Remember, no is not a bad word. It may actually turn out to be your favorite word once you get use to using it. It will save you a lot of unnecessary anguish when applied to the right situations.

Step 6: Watch What You Say

There is a scripture in Matthew chapter 15 that says, “It’s not what goes into the mouth that defiles a man, but it’s what comes out of the mouth that will defile him.” Simply put, watch what you say because you are able to create or destroy with your words. You can never hope to obtain positive things when you only speak in negative terms. When you change your words your attitude will begin to shift based on the words you speak in the universe. Once your words and your thinking begin to align themselves together it becomes much easier to see how your life can change. Instead of saying I can’t, start saying I can. Instead of complaining about a situation, find reasons to be thankful and watch how much better you will begin to feel. Moreover, it is much better to spend the time seeking a solution verses spouting out complaints that no one wants to hear. As your words change everything else around you will begin to change as well. It’s like the story of Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, she had the power to go home at any time, but she had to learn to say it and believe it. Just like Dorothy we have the same power within us, but we just need to learn to access it with our words and then believe it.

Step 7: Learn to Complement Yourself

One of the best things you can do is learn how to speak positive words to yourself through words and affirmations that are designed to motivate and build your confidence. Start each day with an “I am statement” that highlights something good about you.  This is an easy way to give you a quick and easy dose of mental stimulation. Saying nice things about yourself should be an easy thing to do, but sometimes we’ve been beaten down by life and by other people so that we find it difficult to believe we are worthy of better. Complementing yourself is not meant to create a narcissistic attitude, but it is designed to help you build your self esteem as you learn how to value the characteristics that make you uniquely you. Saying things like, I am valuable, I am smart, I am a good mother, I am worthy, etc., help you to recognize the greatness you possess. This does not mean we ignore our negative character traits, but our goal should always be to improve the positives and minimize the negatives as we increase and maximize our positive attributes. Remember…An affirmation a day will help keep the blues away.

Step 8: Avoid Negative Influences

There is an old proverb that says we should be aware of the company that we keep because we will reflect the attitude, ideas and character of those we allow in our space. If we aren’t careful we’ll find that we are surrounded by dream-killers and naysayers. People who don’t want to see you succeed because it might mean they will get left behind once you change your direction. It doesn’t always mean these people are bad people, but they might not be right for you as you begin to elevate your life. Start by distancing yourself from those who constantly bring you down. It may not always be possible to eliminate every negative influence in your life all at the same time because some of them may be your spouse, children, parent, friend or other family member that may take a little more effort to educate concerning your transformation. However, the first step is to acknowledge their impact in your life as you seek to find ways to minimize their affect on your progress. As you begin to peel off what you don’t want it’s easier to attract the people who will support you on your journey to the life you want to live. Sometimes it’s just a matter of setting boundaries that you’re willing and able to maintain and defend as you grow stronger and more confident in yourself.

Step 9: Learn to Listen

Listening is one of those skills that most of us don’t do well, but it is a very important attribute to master. Most of us find it difficult to pay attention when others are talking because our mind is usually focused on how we want to respond rather than listening to what is being said. We also seem to have difficulty listening to ourselves when our own inner voice is trying to tell us something. Most of us listen with the intent to express what we want to say or do rather than responding to what we heard. Listening requires active participation. This means we have to hear what is actually being said, not what we think is being said. The best way to listen is to stop talking, but we also must learn to pay careful attention to what is being expressed so we won’t misinterpret the data. If we begin to think back over some of the biggest errors we have made in our lives we will realize it is because we refuse to listen to sound advice. If we are truly interested in changing our lives for the better, then learning to master the art of listening will get you much closer to your goal.

Step 10: Learn to Communicate

Communication is another one of those small steps we can all employ to make changes in our lives. Most of us know how to say words, but we don’t know how to effectively communicate how we really feel. Sometimes we think we are saying the right words, but a breakdown in communication can occur when what we say doesn’t match what we do. Whether we realize it or not our nonverbal language can have just as much of an impact on what is being expressed as much as our verbal communication. If we expect people to give us what we want, then we must learn how to say what we want in words and actions that can be understood by the hearer. Don’t ever expect people to be able to read your mind because they will usually get it wrong. Your job is to first figure out what you want and then learn how to share the information with those who need to know. There is no one correct way to let others know how you feel and what you want. Sometimes writing down your thoughts and ideas before you say them will help you clarify in your own mind what you really mean before you say it out loud. Mastering effective communication will help to ensure that you get what you want when you want it.

Now that we have some action steps to get us started on our journey to change our life, let’s get to work creating that incredible life you’ve always wanted. Check out my book, Enlightenment II: Building Self Esteem Through Poems and Positive Affirmations to find other tools to help you recognize important triggers for positive change. Make sure you leave a comment below.

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